Dear Local Guy

What's up with all these nuts stickas the bradduhs get on their windshields? I swear some of our bradduhs is M-E-N-T-O!
Concerned Cuz

Aloha Cuz,
Thank you for your wonderful and insightful question. What you talking about actually ties into the last column we had where we talked about the whole Ainokea thing.
To be fair, I went to Kaua'i last month for my friend's wedding and I saw a lot of windshield stickas over there too. The trucks all had Kaua'i license plates so I knew they were some true blue Kaua'i folks. After all, they could've been some Big Island transplant that made his way to Kaua'i for one of several reasons-most often being the lure of somebody's daughter from the beautiful garden isle. It's a natural attraction. At any rate, Kaua'i had some stickers too. So that could at least signify that the window sticka madness is not only confined to our beloved Big Island.
I think it is human nature for one person to want to decorate themselves or their possessions. Personalizing things have been a part of human existence for as long as there is a record of those destructive bugguhs. Some of the stickers on windshields I have seen can add to one wonderful sociological experiment. Maybe it's our version of taking control of our advertising. Just like Youtube give anybody one chance to get popular, the whole windshield sticka madness has given everyday people a chance to be expressive and publicly display their contribution to the fabric we call home, Big Island, state or whateva. If I was to scientifically embark on TLUTGL, or taking local understanding to greater levels, I think I would conclude the following:
Conclusion #1 Bradduhs and Sistas like to RE-PRE-SENT! Whether it be Keaukaha or Ka'u, family names or budding businesses, us folks love to slap 4 inch letters prominently for everybody to see. I wonder how those bugguhz past safety check?
Conclusion #2 I agree, some bradduhz are indeed Mento. For those of you who may not know, mento is the continental equivalent to being two tuna sandwiches shy of a picnic. Why would my bradduhs post big letters across the windshield of the truck that says "STIENLAGER." I wonder if that's his name or what? By all accounts this bradduh is probably a consumer of that fine beverage from Aotearoa, but I bet he not getting any barato from Mr. Stiney. Couldn't be good for road blocks, eh? I see the Nike swoosh on Hilo trucks like Air Jordan himself might be taking a cruise down Richardson's. And quite possibly the most mento sticka I saw to date is Hemodpante (Hemo de pante), as in talking about removing da undagarments. Smack dab! Big Letters! Boooyahhh! Right on the windshield. I was like, "Uh, …cuz…..uhhhhhhh."
I love my bradduhs and all, but I thought to myself, "why?" No get me wrong. I can be as kolohe and perverted as the best of 'em. But that sticka even had me cringing for the bradduh. Does it score chicks? Does it position cuzzins with better opportunities to indeed hemo de pante? Maybe I stay missing something. Coming in a close second was the jeep in Hilo with "Prick" on the windshield. That bradduh had a mad face when he drove past, so maybe he was just trying to live up to the label. I don't know these things! Maybe you guys know something I no know. Maybe, maybe not.
Conclusion #3 there are a lot of my people who love their heritage and I got nothing but love for all of them. But I gotta admit for the life of me that Puerto Rican bradduhs and sistas keeping the window sticka (and Puerto Rican flag) business thriving and profitable. Filipinos and Chuukese come in a close second.
Conclusion #4 The cars and trucks that had the least amount of window stickas? White Camrys, Corollas, and any other non-assuming-colored cars whose passengers live primarily in the Waiakea Uka area, drink coffee in the morning at McDonalds, and have at least one grandchild who is a dentist or engineer. They not real big on advertising. It's more good fun to spend money on more sensible things-like trips to Vegas.
Conclusion #5 Not too many things separate a local bradduh with a large Stienlager sign on his windshield from the haole sista driving the Subaru, Volvo, or hybrid with all the Abundant Life stickers on the back. Love thy Mother, speak Sanskrit, drink goat milk, elect Al Gore-kine stuff. It's all relative.
Conclusion #6 I hope we can do any better than Watufaka and Fakawot? Whew. Has it really gotten that bad?

Concerned Cuz, I feel your pain, so I offer a few thoughts to see how everybody is as mento as us locals. People just like to paint the bugguh differently when it comes to us. I really no like when people look down at our people, regardless of how mento the action or the sticka may seem. Advertising and the need for express ourselves also known as "look at me" syndrome will keep the windshield sociology book alive and dynamic till the end of time. For anybody who wen seen some good stickas out there, email 'em to me. Tell me what it said or send one picture to my email address. Maybe we can create the windshield sticka hall of fame.

Dear Local Guy:
What is up with locals backing up into parking spaces?
Safety Conscious

Did you ever see the Gieco caveman commercial where his response to the shrink was… "yes, I got a response: Uh, What?" I never really paid attention to the parking habits of us local bradduh and sistas, but I guess in some respects, you right. Maybe we back into the space because we no like backing out of the space. Maybe more easy to back in before than it is to back out after. Maybe it shows off the parking prowess of local men! Brah, I don't know! Cah'mahn. This question is crazy. Get locals about to not pass their safety check for windshield sticka infractions and you over here asking about backing into the parking space. My goodness.

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